It's a feminine thing
by Defafaeth Mechqua
Summary: What happens when you take a drinking, killing, gambling, smoking high priest by the name of Genjyo Sanzo and turn him into a woman? This story for one thing.
1. Surprise! It's a girl!

****

It's a feminine thing.

By:_ Defafaeth Mechqua_

Summary:_ What happens when you take a drinking, killing, gambling, smoking high priest by the name of Genjyo Sanzo and turn him into a woman? This story for one thing._

Chapter 1:_ Surprise! It's a girl!_

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Hell. A desolate yet vast blistering inferno full of tortured souls being tormented by the devil's minions over and over for their crimes against others. A place where a certain kappa and high priest were guaranteed a free trip too. Where a specific monkey king _might_ be headed for and where a chi wielding demon was certified (in all probability) never to have to even be near.

And that was how the most reverent high priest Genjyo Sanzo felt at the moment.

"Ergh." Sanzo groaned as he blinked open his bleary eyes. Sitting up he held a hand to his head and looked around. Bed. Drawer. Other bed. Desk. Window. Hakkai's eye glass (which were broken). Other window. Door. Floor. Ceiling. Baka saru's Nyoi-bo. Gun. Bandaged arms. Ero kappa's lighter. Ah ha! His cancer sticks! (AKA cigarettes.)

"Hey guys! He's awake! He's awake!" A young voice eagerly called out. Sanzo looked up to see a certain monkey king standing in the doorway with a relieved expression on his face.

"Out of the way baka saru!" A gruff voice growled. Gojyo. "Move! I wanna see his – no – _her_ face!" The kappa said shoving Goku to the side.

'The fuck? What the hell is the bloody kappa talking about now?' The priest wondered vaguely as he reached towards his pack of Malboros that was sitting conveniently on the bedside table.

"Get lost you pervy nympho!" Goku shouted shoving Gojyo back. As soon as the kappa was out of sight the saru rushed over to the priest with concerned eyes. "Err . . . are you feeling all right Sanzo?"

Raising an eyebrow the priest was about to reply when the monkey went soaring to the left only to be replaced by the eerily smirking figure that belonged to Gojyo. "How are you feeling **_MISS_** Sanzo?" He asked leaning towards the said priest with a weird glint in his eyes.

Sanzo sweat-dropped. _Miss_ Sanzo? What the hell had the kappa been drinking? "What the fucking hell are you – " Huh?! He grabbed his throat. Had his voice always been this high pitched before?

Suddenly Gojyo was shoved away and substituted by the figure of a certain monkey king holding what appeared to be a mirror. "You might want to look at his Sanzo." He said solemnly holding out the mirror before the priest. "Look at your reflection . . ."

The priest did just that – and nearly fainted. Boobs. That was the first thing he immediately noticed. The second was the PINK shirt he had on wasn't his. The fact that he had feminine extremities (triple underline feminine) made him feel something beyond words. And it wasn't a good feeling either. Oh hell. So naturally the Sanzo did just what any male would've done in his position; he looked down and poked his brand new appendages. _jiggle_ Dammit! They were HUGE! How the fuck had he NOT noticed them in the first place?!

Suddenly he threw the covers to reveal smooth hairless long legs. He could feel the fact that _it_ was missing but he just had to see for himself, like the old saying; seeing is believing. Ignoring the interested stares of the other occupants of the room he quickly unzipped the white shorts that didn't belong to him but were covering him nonetheless then lifted up his underwear that also did not belong to him and took a peek.

Someone up there did NOT like him at all.

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In the sky Bonsatsu laughed and laughed and laughed.

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Yaone shivered.

Kougaiji glanced at her in concern. "You all right?"

The demon girl looked towards her master with a small smile. "I'm all right my lord." She said reassuringly. "It's just that . . . for a moment there I felt . . ."

"Great evil?" Kougaiji supplied.

Yaone nodded. "Yes . . . great evil indeed."

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He groaned. Blinking open his eyes he sat up to be greeted by Hakkai's warm and sympathetic gaze. "Good evening Sanzo!" He said cheerfully from his position in a nearby chair.

Not replying the priest looked at his chest. Damn. They were still there. He grumbled something incoherent before burying his head in his hands. "What the did I do to deserve this!?"

"Weell – "

"Don't answer that! I don't want to have to shoot the only other adult in this group." Gojyo snarled.

Wisely Hakkai changed the subject. "I believe the reason for this transformation of yours is due to some sort of smoke."

"Smoke?"

A nod. "Do you remember our last battle against that unruly youkai . . . . Wakamaru I believe his name was."

A grunt of agreement.

"When he knocked you out he spat out some sort of green liquid at you but he missed and it landed next to you. The liquid then started to disintegrate into smoke. We didn't think much of it at first so we just killed off Wakamaru." Hakkai said in an apologetic voice. "We loaded you up in the jeep and drove to the nearest village but when we went to get you out of the back we found you . . ."

"Were a female." Gojyo finished. Sighing deeply the revered priest swiped his smokes located on the bedside table next to some food. "So I must've inhaled the smoke and that's what turned me female?"

"We don't know." The chi-wielding demon said. "But it's the only thing we have to go by right now."

"Mhhhmmm." The priest just looked at his pack of cigarettes before replacing it on the counter. "The others?"

"Downstairs eating as you should be doing."

"Not hungry." Genjyo growled.

Hakkai persisted. "You've been out of it for two days now you have to eat – "

"I. Am. Not. Hungry." The blonde repeated more forcefully.

A pause. "I got you a can of your favorite beer here."

"Later."

The demon barely stopped himself from gaping. This was bad. He wasn't swearing. He wasn't smoking. He wasn't even drinking! Maybe the gunk affected more than his outside appearance . . . . .

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Thank you C.T! - You're a lifesaver! (And I don't mean the candy)


	2. Give me some TLC!

**It's a feminine thing.**

**By:** _Defafaeth Mechqua_

**Summary: **_What happens when you take a drinking, killing, gambling, smoking high priest by the name of Genjyo Sanzo and turn him into a woman? This story for one thing._

**Chapter 2:** _Give me some TLC!_

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Day 3 of transformation. Early evening.

A wolf whistle. "Hey there honey! Why don't you come over here and give me some tender lovin' care!?" A random guy called out.

"Yeah blondie baby! If you come on over we'll show you a good time!" One of the random guy's friends hollered.

Gojyo snickered behind his hand as he quickly cast a look towards his companion. Sure enough the priest (or was it priestess now?) was calmly reaching for his gun. Not the kappa could honestly blame him. In the fight Sanzo's clothes didn't exactly pull through plus it was raining, so he had to use clothes kindly donated by the inn keeper's daughter and let's just say . . . . that the girl was really into pink. Pink as in a pink shirt, pink pleated knee-length skirt, and pink underwear (not that he'd seen them . . . . . ).

"Please Sanzo!" Hakkai pleaded. "Don't pay them any mind. They're males . . . it's in our nature. . . . " He trailed off as Sanzo abruptly stood and headed towards the random guy's table.

The kappa smirked. "This gonna be fun to watch!" He exclaimed leaning back into his chair.

"Mowe hoo!" ("More food!") Goku bellowed as he shoved the last meat bun into his overstuffed mouth.

Hakkai sighed. What did he do to deserve this!? He must've accidentally squished a god's favorite bug. . . .

(Up in the clouds Kanzeon glared down at Hakkai. "Damn right you did! I liked Cocky the cockroach! He was my best spy!")

With ease the priest walked up to the table with the gun behind his back. A fixed frown marred his other wise calm visage. One could almost see the hate located deep within his malevolent violet gaze, which was rightfully directed at the random guy.

"Ooooh! Hey they're baby-cakes!" The random guy (whom we shall call Ping) called as Sanzo approached. His eyes hungrily scanned the priest's feminine form. "I see you've taken up my offer. I promise you won't – "

"Shut up dick-head." Sanzo snarled whipping out his Smith & Wesson.

The random guy laughed, as did his friends. Not the wisest thing to do around a pissed off not-so-pious homicidal clergyman . . .

_Click_

_BANG_A bullet lodged itself into Ping's hat and sailed off to places unknown.

_BANG_

Bye bye Ping's decanter of sake, which was now just shards littering the floor.

_BANG_

A millimeter away from Ping Jr., if you know what I mean and if you don't then boo on you.

Stunned eyes turned upwards at the priest. "Wha . . . wha . . . wha . . . ." Ping stuttered.

Sanzo planted a foot beside and empty stool beside Ping then bent down till he was level with Ping's face. "Listen shit eating mother fucker. I'm NOT in a good mood. I WILL kill you if you piss me off again." He said in a deliberately slow manner. "Understood?" Suddenly the gun barrel was pointed at the random guy's forehead.

Ping nodded numbly. "Y. . . y . . . es . . . m . . . m . . ma'am . . ."

"Good." And with that. The mighty Sanzo-gone-woman stomped up stairs to get some sleep. With a couple of packs of Malboros and lots of cases of beer to help him along the way of course.

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**Day 4 of transformation. Afternoon.**

Blast it all! From pink shorts to white mini skirt. Well it wasn't so bad. Except for that bra that was a wee bit too tight, the bloody white and sleeveless sailor shirt. Ah well at least the priest still had his sandals.

Sand dune.

Tumble weed.

Sand dune

Sphinx.

Sand dune.

Dead thing.

Sand dune.

Great pyramids of Giza.

Sand dune.

Ergh. Endless desert it seemed. Sanzo's eye twitched as the kappa and saru continued arguing. Sanzo's trigger finger twitched as the kappa's and saru's shouts grew drastically. Sanzo's other hand clenched and unclenched ever so often as the kappa and saru started shoving each other against the sides of the jeep. So it was inevitable and quite foreseeable, to anyone with half a brain, that Sanzo would irritably reach for his gun. Irritably turn around. Irritably click off the safety. Then faster than the speed of light he irritably stood and fired between the two bakas.

"U – RU – SA – I!" He growled firing thrice more.

Goku and Gojyo gulped. They trembled in fear before the all mighty Sanzo. The almighty Sanzo with the harisen. The almighty Sanzo with the gun. The almighty Sanzo with golden credit card which was used to feed them. The almighty Sanzo that was probably PMSing at that very moment.

When the priest was sure that the two were thoroughly frightened into submission he sat back down. "Where's the nearest river?" He asked listlessly.

"About three and a half miles." Hakkai replied. "We'll make it there by nightfall."

"Hn."

"Hey Gojyo." Goku tried to whisper. Key word there is TRIED.

"What?" Gojyo TRIED to whisper back.

"Is it just me or is Sanzo's hair growing?"

The kappa blinked then peered at the priest's golden locks before turning back to the monkey. "I think you have a point there. Maybe it's because of that smoke he inhaled."

"Maybe."

"URURSAI!"

BANG!

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**Day 4 of transformation. Nightfall.**

"MY meat bun!"

"Fuck you baka saru!"

"Guys – "

"Dammit monkey I got it first!"

"NO! It's MINE!"

Sanzo didn't look back as he walked into the forest with a small bag in tow and no one noticed his departure as they were all preoccupied at that moment. A sigh escaped his lips. Damn this was just so hard to deal with! His life was already fucked up enough without having to deal with the inhibitions of a female body! Not to mention all those males leering at him. The newly turned female shuddered. Oh the horror.

_Swish_

The sound of nearby rushing water caught the amethyst-eyed priest's ears. Silently he walked toward the sound with a soft sigh of relief. Finally he could take a bath not to mention change of those disgustingly slutty clothes. So what if he stole some of Goku's attire to wear? The monkey didn't even wear the clothes anyway and besides the priest was bout five foot four now thanks to his transformation. So the nearest he could get to his size would've been Goku's garments. Why didn't take the saru's clothes in the first place? Because Hakkai insisted it would be more inconspicuous if he just dressed as a female. Although Sanzo couldn't help but be suspicious about the chi-wielding demon's REAL motives.

He shook his head as he neared a small spring with a miniature waterfall supplying the pool with clean water. He didn't want to think about ulterior motives of his companion at the moment much less the workings of that particular demon's brain. When Sanzo had reached the edge of the stream he dropped the bag he was carrying and quickly stripped himself of his clothing. He unzipped the bag and took out the necessities; soap and shampoo.

_Splash_

Sanzo closed his eyes to enjoy the water. At least it wasn't cold; it was quite warm actually. He opened his eyes then reached for the bar of soap and started scrubbing himself clean of the sand and dirt. Never noticing the leering eyes flickering in the shadows.

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TLC: Tender Loving Care


End file.
